Do you hate your life?

I was feeling really down the other day and googled "Why do I hate my life so much?"

I guess we all go through those days when we hate our lives and I was surprised to see that there were a lot of posts from teenagers, youth and adults, who at some point hated their lives.

We are not alone, even in despair.

One such post sounded like me  - 30 years ago (has it been that long?) and I decided that I needed to respond.

This was my response:

I ask myself the same question several times a week?

 

In fact, I have been asking this question ever since I was a teenager and I am now 48.

Like you, I thought I was numb, waiting for someone to take me to a place - any place that was different from where I was.

Pink Floyd has a song in which one of the lines says ``I am comfortably numb``. I too felt numb.

The truth is that I did not hate my life. I hated moments of it. Moments when I was unhappy because things did not go as I had planned and moments where there was no harmony.

There will always be times of difficulty and moments of clarity. Life is full of opposing factors. There has to be darkness for us to appreciate the light, we have to go down in order to go up and even though these idioms and cliches are a dime a dozen, there may be some truth in them.

 The truth actually lies within you.

It is not our difficulties or trials which define us. It is how we come out of them and triumph, despite them.

When I was most depressed, I decided that I needed to divert my attention from my own problems to those of others. I joined the local  telephone distress center to anonymously help people  by listening to them and enabling them to make right choices to make their lives better.

This in turn helped me feel better.

By helping others in need, I kind of put my own issues on the back burner and almost forgot about then. My whole focus and outlook to life changed. I became content with who I was, what I had .  I became more tolerant, more patient and more accepting of my life. There will always be people who, seemingly, have it all and there will also always be people who are worse off than you are.

I also started keeping a journal. It felt like my anger was no longer bottled inside of me, I had an outlet, I also decided that if I was not able to change my  then present situation, I would do something about it by making a 10 year plan. I asked myself the five questions I wanted to change in my life - what, where how and why. I already knew the when - 10 years.

 Once I did that, I broke it down to 5 years, then 12 months, 1 month, 4 weeks, weekly and finally, daily. Every day I did something to ultimately help me achieve my 10 year plan

At 48, I  may not have achieved everything I set out to but, a wise man once said, 'struggle is the meaning of life', and nothing was going to stop me from trying.

I still get mad at life, I cry, I shout and I still feel numbed by life. I still write in my journal and I still have an ever growing 10 year plan. When I achieve something, however small, I just check it off like you would a 'to do' list. I modify the rest, re-invent myself if I have to, and keep on going.

I have also added a new section to my journal - things I am happy and grateful for, like the people who love me or something as insignificant as waking up in the morning.
This helps me  change my focus to the positive things in my life. I meditate and I have regular conversations (and fights) with God - whoever that is.

I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when I was 42 and my goals had to change. There were times I sank even deeper in despair, anger and hatred

Now at 48, I still want to be a teacher, a flight attendant, a landscape designer, a pianist and so many other things. The struggle continues.........................................................

Yes, I still have moments of anger and despair, more so because of my illness and the challenges it brings. But, I also have successes, however small, and life just continues one day at a time, one objective at a time, one step at a time.

If I accept that I am exactly where I am meant to be and experiencing exactly what I am meant to experience, I find I am not fighting any more.

I recognize my strengths as well as my limitations. I am not in competition with anybody, not even with myself! I have my goals and, my  small achievements keep me going.

Look for the good in the bad.

To quote and turn your own words, you do not eat because you are hungry, you eat because your body needs nourishment to give you the energy and strength to seize each  moment of every day.
Those gray skies around you bring rain, which help water our gardens so the beautiful flowers may bloom.

We cannot choose what happens to us just how we deal with it
Create your hunger for life by helping those in need, by defining and redefining your goals, by being non-judgemental, and by learning acceptance and contentment.

It really does help and your outlook to life will change.
Try it!

Good Luck!