Is This What It Takes?

Is this what it takes?                           

do you see it?                                   

do you smell it?

               can you sense it?

               

it’s all around us...             

...the foul scent of fear and isolation,
infecting our world
            like the very contagion
                      that caused it

-

unchecked, it spreads fast           

seeking out the young, the old,

the weak, the able, the fairest

                                                and the darkest of hearts

alike

regardless of colour, creed, race or caste…

            …an inclusivity, that humans would do well to learn from

what do we do?                how do we react?

we isolate

we adapt

we find things to occupy

our lives

we comply,

we re-invent,

and continue…

…because, we are human…its what we do…

…if we sat idle,

the would’ve, could’ve and should’ve thoughts

                               are too many

and so very scary

 

 

so, we carry on with precious life as best we can…

    ...we awaken,  

                        we give thanks,

                                    seeking new meaning in solitude,

finding solace in nature…

…looking for magic and mystery in quietude
recognizing the beauty that exists…

…with every rising sun

 …in the moonlit and moonless nights

and in every gust of wind,

losing ourselves in books, movies
and music…
…searching for some peace
amidst the anxiety and chaos

and,

 in going back to the basics

we re-learn to live and feel
                                               in order to heal

                the hours seem longer

and the days blend into one another

                                as we continue to ponder

                                                our unpredictable future

and even though we stand                 six feet                        apart
in our distancing and forced isolation,
          on the brink of this dark oblivion,
                                                we remain

somewhat collected, united and together

 

but the “truth” is so much more

                        than just the crisis at hand…

 history shows us that we have good reason

to mistrust everything,

especially one another…

-we pretend to be  

rash

while treating others like trash

-we say what we do not mean

and mean what we do not say

-we seem to be
 excellent communicators,
but constantly speak in riddles

-we wear our masks well,

everyone, everyday, everywhere…

 …so well, that we forget

who we really are

and who or, what we can be (for each other)…

 

the most reasonable act

would be to set

all our excuses, facades and differences

aside    

 

for, at the very core of humanity,

lies a common actuality…

-a shared wisdom…

…an inherent tendency towards

peaceful unity

 to help reclaim our sanity
from the ashes of our self-inflicted calamities

i remain in constant awe

of what we are able to accomplish

when we choose to ignore

                 our petty differences,

and come together

for a common cause,

for life,

for humanity,

for our communities…

 

…and as communities,

we have responsibilities…

                …each one of us has a choice

           each one of us has a voice

…it is about how we choose to live…                                                        …with or without limitations

                                                and with or without inhibitions

 

we may fail to see,

but the possibilities

are quite plenty

and right here, within our midst

 sure,

we cannot unhear the things we’ve heard,

unsee the things we’ve seen

or, undo the things we’ve done

we cannot help but be

constantly worried

about who or what’s lurking

                                                around the next corner

but then, something happens…

an emergency,

   a calamity that affects

the whole of humanity

bringing us face to face with our mortality

                      reminding us

of who we really are and who we can be

and that is when

we rise to the occasion

  and we shine…

…we hear beyond hearing,

we look and see what we commonly do not,

we feel beyond the sense of touch…

…our souls connect

we unite

we fight

…not each other, but together

without

     any financial motivation or

the violent retaliation

that we are so used to

  and without the vengeful obsession    

that we are so prone to pass down

from generation to generation

 

and even though we still stand         six feet                        apart

in our distancing and forced isolation,

          on the brink of this dark oblivion,

we survive…      

…together

 we heal…

…together…

...as one

So, this is what it takes

 

This spoken-word-poem was inspired by the condition of our times before, and now during, COVID-19.

We have come together as a race, despite skin colour, caste, creed or origin because now we have a common enemy.

 It was originally written as a rant and some parts still read as a rant, but it evolved, as we, as human beings came together united in our fear, grief, to fight against COVID-19, setting aside our differences.

 

SURRENDER...

Hello Readers,

I do not even know of you are still subscribed. I have been on an extra-long sabbatical for over three years.

In February of 2016, my live-in caregiver chose to leave and I realized how much of my life I had lost control of. 

I had to relearn a lot: banking, financial management, self reliance and management, fending for myself and just basic living…tasks that I had delegated and forgotten...tasks that were daunting, scary and intimidating...tasks that caused me unnecessary stress and tasks that I was told I no longer needed to perform.


2016 was a difficult year for me and almost at the end of the year, on the 30^th of November, the 27^th  anniversary of my arriving in Canada, I was in a serious car accident...an encounter with a yellow brick wall in an underground parking lot, which caused 13 fractures and rendered me bed-bound for over seven months.

I was to attend a Symposium on Accessibility in Halifax. I had chosen to go there the night before. 

Early, the next morning, I drove to the symposium.

On arriving at the underground parking of the Delta Marriott in Halifax, I realized I couldn’t reach the button to get a ticket. Those dispensers are definitely not designed for people with disabilities!

I stretched, got a ticket, the barrier went up and my right foot slammed on the accelerator. Impatient city drivers behind me, the accumulated stress of that year, my ailing body and the combination of all of the above, led to my being unable to lift my foot off the accelerator.

The car, now speeding, reached 70-75 km an hour in the crowded and congested underground parking and I felt like a crash test dummy, knowing full well how that was going to end. 

I knew I was putting lives and property at risk and in the corner of my eye, on my right,  I saw a yellow brick wall. 
I swerved towards it and hit the wall causing 13 fractures from my left ankle, left heel, some ribs, left collar bone, right femur, right arm, some more ribs and both knees.

Miraculously, no head, spinal or back injury. And, I was alive and conscious.

Everything after that seems like a blur, and almost four years later, which now seems like a blink of an eye, the Universe has led me back to writing my blogs. 

While I lay waiting for my bones to mend, the physical symptoms of my MS got worse and I lost muscle mass, increasing the atrophy and muscle spasms. 
It was not an easy close to 2016, but I sure was glad it was over and was confident that 2017 would offer new possibilities. 

I spent Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day and my birthday in hospital, undoubtedly at first, feeling sorry for myself, of living in fear of what else will go wrong, pondering what life had thrown at me and how I was going to approach my life with even bigger challenges. 

The term ‘surrender’ came to mind. 
It was like the Universe was telling me what to do. I was tired of fighting with circumstances, tired of not being sure of what other catastrophe to expect, and simply tired of living in fear.

On New Year’s Eve, I decided to watch ‘Mrs. Brown’s Boys’ on Netflix because I wanted to set the stage for the New Year... to start it with laughter and humour. 
I also wrote for the first time since my accident.

SURRENDER

As I surrender myself

            to the Universe

I continue to do

                my very best

at everything

Except now,

I no longer protest,

                                         I accept

I do not question,

                         I respond

I do not deny,

                               I succumb

 I do not contest,

                                              I surrender

And through it all,

     I continue to strive

                for excellence 

                        with no concern

for what the next moment, next hour,

                                          next day, next week,

                                    or the next year

                             may bring

As I meander 

             through 

                   life’s curves,

I choose to be                                                                                                      

extraordinarily adventurous

in my resignation

             to my destination

  

I ponder not on the

                    why and how

                      but instead, focus

             on the here and now

      In the middle of the night

           when I review my day

       to let things flow

 in whatever way

                      they may,

  my newfound acquiescence

              makes the shadows

of uncertainty

          seem much less dark

                    Those shadows

       used to have

              a much greater shape and certainty

With this newly acquired character

          of complete surrender,

they now simply disappear

                   into the ether

Surrendering is not

       giving up,

                        It is letting go

And once I do that,

                it’s like nothing else exists

Everything I’ve ever struggled with… 

… the emptiness, the fears, the confusion...

...everything that

does not serve me,

                      vanishes

I no longer fear,

grieve, lament or suffer

life’s dark crevices

     and for the first time in a long time,

I know for certain

       that I’m going to be ok…

...That I can on take on anything

       ...That no person or no circumstance

can ever break me

For, I Am

I AM

      AND ALWAYS

WILL BE

         I AM NEVER LOST

  I AM WHERE I AM

BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE

                          I AM SUPPOSED TO BE

It was like a light bulb went on in my mind. I heaved a huge sigh of relief and felt like a gigantic burden had lifted. It wasn’t my life that needed changing. It was how I reacted and responded that needed to change.

All I had to do was surrender to the Universe and say, “Bring it on!”

With just that one thought, I was ready to face the rest of my life. 

I am ready…………..Bring it on!
 

 

...I did.